From the ages of 18 to 22, I was in a painful, abusive relationship. I was controlled, watched, manipulated, and punished for trying to be myself.
Four years after its demise, I still have anger. A part of me still wants emotional and psychological revenge.
Another part of me is peaceful and silent. I'm so happy to be where I am, and I know that all parts of my path had to happen in order for me to have arrived here.
Clarissa Pinkola-Estes writes that forgiveness is an act of creation. I see this in me. Each time a need to forgive arises, I recreate it. The need to forgive the other person. The need to forgive the girl I once was.
I wonder if I'll ever be complete in this process.
-Blessings-
I'm so sorry you experienced abuse, Raquel. For me forgiveness is definitely a process, and some thing I can only do as I fully own each part of my story. And you are so right, forgiving ourselves is an essential part of the process.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had that horrible experience :-( I believe time is not linear but a layered thing, and progress moves up and down and all through our soul. So sometimes we may not seem to be "moving ahead", but we are infact doing deep healing. But that's just my perspective. I wish you peace and fullness.
ReplyDeleteBirdie and Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your kind words of understanding. I think this is the beginnings of my tale that I'm not ready to write in full... and I think it sounds a little too sad (so far). I'm so much more stronger and accepting of the circumstances than I once was, and I rarely get angry anymore. But yesterday I felt that twinge again, and I just wanted to get it out. I think writing is healing, too.